I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
