When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
