Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Randomize
