ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize