i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
