Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
