Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
