When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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