how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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