i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
