Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
