i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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