Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize