hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
