Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
