i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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