I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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