I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
