I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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