We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
