Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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