All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
