I want to make a zoo with you.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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