omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
