Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
