Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize