Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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