Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
