so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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