I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
