I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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