i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
