I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
