I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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