i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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