I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize