that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
