Soap is not a condiment
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
