well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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