Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So I just went to clothing optional bar
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
