If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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