I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
