you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
