i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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