I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How does it feel to date your dad?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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