The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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