Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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