does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
