dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
