tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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