Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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