dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
