One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
