i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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