it hurts more in the daytime
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
