Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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