I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
