i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
