Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize