Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
this boner is exhausting
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
