how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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