I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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