btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
