You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
