I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
