He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
