If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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